Newgrounds.com — Everything, By Everyone.

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This play will be performed at San Jose State University sometime in the middle of May. I will upload the youtube in the future. And, oh yeah... if the story is familiar. Yes, it is. It was based on Earnest Hemmingway's "Hills like White Elephants." Although, in this play-- the characters got names and the setting isn't in Spain. Ciao darlings... Che.

THE TEA PARTY
by
Ché Enrique Muñoz Ramírez
© 2009

CAST OF CHARACTERS:
(1M, 1F)
SHOSHANA: 18 years old. Talkative.
BILL: 26 years old. Strong silent type.

SETTING:
A beautiful Texan park on a warm spring day.

Shoshana and Bill are at a picnic tea
party somewhere in Texas. Bill drinks
beer. Shoshana pours some tea.

SHOSHANA
(Rambling. Breathless. Very
quick.)
Today was a perfect day for a picnic slash tea party. I've
always wanted to do a tea party ever since I was a girl, but
I don't think we're doing it right, I think tea parties
aren't suppose to come with a picnic basket, and I think
you're not suppose to be drinking beer with your tea, but
whatever, this is America, we can do whatever we want, it's a
free country. Such a perfect day. Although, it's sorta hot. I
don't like it hot, do you like it hot, I bet you don't like
it hot. But you know how it is. You take in the good with the
bad. That's the facts of life. Oh my God! Am I quoting the
lyrics from the Facts of Life? I am quoting from a TV show!
Isn't that strange, but whatever. I guess I could be a little
strange, but that's who I am, I guess, but whatever. But
still, ain't it a beautiful day? Although, it's just slightly
hot. You know, today was a perfect day for our picnic tea
party. I remember being a little girl and there was nothing
else I wanted than a tea party, but like the tea parties you
would see in 18th century Britain, you know, with crumpets,
scones, and the women dressed in dresses and with big frumpy
Princess Diana hats, and the men dressed like cute handsome
penguins. You know, when I was a girl I would dress up in my
mom's clothes, and I would sit all my stuffed animals at the
table, and I would pretend that things were all like Pride
and Prejudice and it was high all tea time like, though I was
just drinking apple juice. But still, it was fun. Especially
when my mom was with me. We would play tea time, and then we
would play house, but I would pretend I was the mommy and she
would pretend to be my baby. I would wake her up, dress her
up for school, make her breakfast, and sing to her. She said
I would be the world's most perfect mommy.

(Beat.)

Oh shoot. I forgot the milk. It's really hard for me to drink
tea or coffee without milk. But good thing we got sugar. My
God! I'm starting to feel warm. I don't know if I want any of
this hot tea anymore. Mmmm... After all that trouble.
(Beat.)

Bill, do you want another beer?

BILL
No thanks.

SHOSHANA
I could get you another beer.

BILL
Not done.

SHOSHANA
It's almost done. Let me get you another beer.

BILL
Don't want another.

SHOSHANA
(Opens and gives new beer.)
It ain't any trouble.

BILL
I said that I didn't want another, Shoshana. Goddang it, now
I look ridicules holding two bears.

SHOSHANA
Oh you silly, just give me the other.
(Gets older beer. Sighs. Beat.)
Bill?

BILL
Yeah?

SHOSHANA
Bill, what are you thinking right now?

BILL
Don't know.

SHOSHANA
Mmm... Bill? Will you tell me what you're not thinking about?

BILL
Can't you clam up with the talking, and the asking about what
I'm thinking, and the what I'm not thinking? Can't we just
sit down and enjoy our teas?

SHOSHANA
But we're not drinking tea right now.
(Bill fixes eyes on her.)
Oh. I'll hush up.
(Hugging him.)
Sorry, babe.
(Beat.)
Bill?

BILL
Mmm?

SHOSHANA
Today's beautiful, ain't it?

BILL
Yeah.

SHOSHANA
(Snuggles him up.)
Mmmm...

BILL
(Beat.)
You know, I know a friend who...

SHOSHANA
(Gets up. Overlaps on Bill.)
I'm hot, are you hot? I bet you're hot. But I'm especially
hot. I think I'd like a cold Coca-Cola. You know what? I'm
gonna get a Coca-Cola.
Gets, opens, then sips Coke.

BILL
I know a friend who had...

SHOSHANA
(Overlapping on Bill.)
Mmm, this is sweet. It's too sweet, actually, I don't know if
I can drink this anymore, but it's so good I'm gonna drink it
anyway.
(Beat. Pause. Bill drinking.
Ignoring her.)
Bill, why are you quiet?
(Bill shrugs shoulders and
drinks beer.)
Bill?

BILL
Mmm?

SHOSHANA
Do you love me?

BILL
I do.

SHOSHANA
(She kisses him.)
I love you too. Do you want another beer?

BILL
Nuhhh.

SHOSHANA
It ain't any trouble at all.

BILL
Let me finish my beer before you open another one up.

SHOSHANA
Are you hungry? I can make you a sandwich. We got meatloaf. I
can make you a meatloaf sandwich.

BILL
I don't want a meat loaf sandwich.

SHOSHANA
You'll love it. I know you will. My mom knew how to make the
best meat loaf sandwich, and I learned everything from her,
you know, and...

BILL
I ain't hungry.

SHOSHANA
But it's so good. I'll make you one because I know that
you'll love it.
Shoshana goes to the picnic basket. She
starts to make a meatloaf sandwich.
Silence as she makes sandwich.

BILL
My friend knows another friend whose girl had it done. He
said that it didn't even hurt. And when it was done, it was
like nothing ever happened.

SHOSHANA
Shoot, you don't like tomato. Don't worry, I'll make you
another one. I'll eat this one. I remember when I was growing
up, I used to raise zucchini and tomatoes. And we had so many
zucchinis and tomatoes by the end of summer that even our
neighbors would get tired of zucchinis and tomatoes and
whenever they saw us walking with a big ol' basket, they
would lock their doors and hide! Ha! Could you imagine that,
Bill? If you want to make enemies, then grow a bunch of
zucchinis and tomatoes. We had so many zucchinis and
tomatoes...

BILL
Shoshana...

SHOSHANA
Bill.

BILL
Yeah?

SHOSHANA
Do you want mayonnaise? It's only good with mayonnaise, even
if it's just a little.

BILL
Go right ahead, Shoshana.

SHOSHANA
Okay.
(Putting mayonnaise on Bill's
sandwich.)
And we had to make so many things with them. Zucchini bread.
Sweet Zucchini Succotash. Isn't that a mouthful? Can you say
that five times? Sweet-Zucchini-Succotash, Sweet-Zucchini-
Succotash, sweezth... Oh shoot, I messed up. Whatever... And
we had fried zucchini croquettes, sometimes everyday.
Zucchini flower soup. Ever ate zucchini flowers before?
They're great, but some people say it's gross, but that's
American culture for you. Problems eating zucchini flowers,
but nooooo problem eating a McDonald's burger which is made
with a million left over cow armpits, anuses, and genitals.
And my mama and I made tomato soups. Tomato jams. Stewed
tomatoes...

BILL
Shoshana... we got to talk.

SHOSHANA
(overlapping.)
Tomato juice, tomato salads, stuffed tomatoes, fried green
tomatoes, and tomato cake, which sounds weird, but why should
it? Tomatoes are a fruit, after all, even though most people
think of them as a vegetable. And we preserved them too, fast
as we can, but that didn't matter. At the end of summer, they
would be all rotten on the ground and hanging on the stems.
(Beat.)
Sandwiches' done. Here's yours and here's mine.
(Takes a bite of her sandwich.)
Mmm. Tomatoey. But all this talk about tomatoes, I think I
lost my appetite for tomatoes. I'm taking mine's off.
(She removes the tomato slice
from her sandwich.)
Take a bite off your meat loaf sandwich. How do you like it?
(Bill bites into his sandwich
then chews.)
Do you like it?
(Bill nods his and sips his
beer.)
See, I told you. Just like my mom's.

BILL
(Beat.)
And my friend... And they were very happy afterwards. And I
want us to be happy.
(Beat.)
There are other ways.
I mean, if you're scared, they got pills that you can drink.
They don't have to go in. You can do it at home. Nobody
doesn't need to know.
Shoshana begins to cry.

SHOSHANA
Today... Is a beautiful day...

BILL
Shhh...

SHOSHANA
To have a tea party...

BILL
Shoshana, don't cry.

SHOSHANA
(The realizing beat.)
Bill. I just want things how they used to be.

BILL
Me too. That's what I exactly want. Just you and me. And we
can have that again. It's nothing at all, Shoshana.

SHOSHANA
I'm scared, Bill.

BILL
You don't have to be. It's safe, and it's like nothing.

SHOSHANA
But...

BILL
I heard it could be done at home. With home remedies. It's an
easy problem. It's that simple. And all you need to do is
drink some pennyroyal tea with tansy for a few days, and
things get better.
(snapping fingers.)
Just-like-that.

SHOSHANA
But...

BILL
Things will get better.
He kisses her.

SHOSHANA
I still feel scared.

BILL
There ain't nothing to be afraid.

SHOSHANA
How do you know?

BILL
Because my friend looks happy, and so does his girl. And the
only thing I want is that you will be happy.

SHOSHANA
I love you too, Bill. I love you so much.

BILL
I love you more, Shoshana. But it's easy. And we can go back
how we used to be.

SHOSHANA
But...

BILL
All you have to do is drink this.

SHOSHANA
What is it?

BILL
Just tea, just plain ol' Pennyroyal tea and Tansy. It's safe,
organic, and it's just like plain ol' tea.

SHOSHANA
I don't know.

BILL
Look, touch it..
(Bill gives it to her.)
Smell it. It's smells exactly like mint. Perfectly safe
herbs. He said that I could drink this with you. It's that
safe.

SHOSHANA
Where does it come from?

BILL
From a beautiful garden where everything blooms. I would like
you to see something so beautiful one day. Look, it's easy,
I'll show.
(Bill puts the herbs in two
cups and pours hot water in
them.)
See babe, here's one for me and here's one for you.

SHOSHANA
I can't drink tea without milk.

BILL
We'll add a little bit extra sugar.
(Puts sugar on both cups of
tea. He then sips the tea.)
Mmm. It's calming.

SHOSHANA
I don't know. If I don't drink?

BILL
Then you don't drink.

SHOSHANA
But, afterwards.

BILL
Then you don't drink.
Beat. Pause. A look between them.

SHOSHANA
I'm scared.
BILL
I know you're scared, but I'm here, with you. And we'll be
the way how we used to be. And I wouldn't ask you to do
anything dangerous.
Bill gives her his cup.

SHOSHANA
Mmm.
(Looking into her cup.)
When I was a little girl, I've always wanted a tea party. And
now so suddenly, I don't want a tea party anymore. Ain't that
funny?

BILL
Shoshana, you're rambling again.

SHOSHANA
Just give me a second, will you? I just need a little bit
more time.

BILL
Okay.
Pause. Then she sips at her tea.

SHOSHANA
It doesn't taste bad. It's bitter, but not bad.

BILL
I can get put in a little bit more sugar. It's like mint tea,
ain't it?

SHOSHANA
Sorta. It has a bitter tang to it.

BILL
More sugar?

SHOSHANA
No. I can stand it.

BILL
You're suppose to drink it until, you know, things get back
to normal.

SHOSHANA
How long is that?

BILL
A few days.

SHOSHANA
And everything will be back to normal?

BILL
Yeah.

SHOSHANA
(Sipping tea.)
Mmm.
Pause. Lingering silence.

BILL
Are you finished with your cup?

SHOSHANA
No, I'm still on my first cup.
Pause.

BILL
Oh.
Pause again. Then she downs her tea in
a huge gulp.

SHOSHANA
Done.

BILL
Oh, baby.
(Kissing.)
Things are gonna be better for us.

SHOSHANA
Mmm.

BILL
Come on, babe. Let's sit down.

SHOSHANA
Mmm...
They sit together. Long passionate kiss
of true love. Then staring into hills.

BILL
You know, it was a nice day for a tea party.

SHOSHANA
Mmm.

BILL
Maybe it is a little warm.

SHOSHANA
Mmm.

BILL
I love you, babe.

SHOSHANA
Mmm......

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